⚠️ Content Warning
- Graphic violence (blood, gore, physical trauma)
- Explicit suicide (gunshot)
- Mental illness themes (dissociation, intrusive thoughts)
- Self-harm / self-destructive behavior
- Knife and gun violence
- Police confrontation
- Social and emotional alienation
- Dark humor during traumatic events
Reader discretion advised.
Chapter 1
Probably thought I’d give in easily since I was short, but there’s a reason why we’re stereotyped as stubborn.
A knot built in my head, and my hand clamped as though my palmar grasp had returned, and the man nearly keeled over.
He looked at me in disbelief – he was head and shoulders above me – but I just grinned.
What ‘cha gonna do about it? Hmm?
“Let go,” he said authoritatively.
But I refused.
“Let go or you’ll get hurt,” he threatened.
Stubborn as a mule, and half the size!
The stupid grin on me must’ve pissed the guy off because I could’ve sworn a knot had formed on his head and nearly burst.
He lunged forward all of the sudden and threw out a fist but stopped it short.
I flinched, of course.
Hey, I’m normal.
“Let go,” he repeated.
Trolololololol, I thought as I rolled over my eyes and repeatedly stuck out my tongue while shaking my head.
That seemed to really piss him off, as you could just see the blood pooling in his eyes.
He looked about to go for the kill.
I didn’t know how to fight, but I did have my own reflexes, and when he lunged in and tried to grab at me for a headbutt – See? This guy really isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Why would you headbutt a guy shorter than you? – I pushed out with my leg, and because of our angles, his height, the way he leaned in on me, my foot landed square in the balls.
Ouch.
He didn’t scream, and for a moment, I was impressed, until he started rolling on the floor, tears in his eyes.
The bystanders – the train was full, and they probably should help, but you know – laughed at him.
I’m not sure if it was the kick to his balls or the kick to his pride that hurt more.
He stood up, trembling, hands on his groin. Blood had gathered onto his head, and he looked like he was blushing.
A maiden on his first night?
He looked around him, eyes wide, jaws dropped, and the shade grew even deeper.
Maybe pick a fight with someone your own size if you care so much about pride?
Then he did it, the typical pattern for this sort, he took out a knife.
Welp, could be worse, at least it’s not a gun.
The bystanders didn’t even scream.
Footsteps just shuffled as they all parted like the red sea into the two ends of the subway car.
Yo, genius. How am I supposed to run if you block both sides?
Sigh.
I smiled. And that seemed to have unnerved the guy.
A bead of sweat slid down his head, and you can just tell that his life was flashing before his eyes.
Maybe don’t do this stuff if you don’t want to go to jail maybe? I don’t know, I’m not an expert.
Actually, I have a confession to make.
The truth is – I’m really fucked in the head.
What? You’re not surprised.
That’s not nice.
Anyway, ever since I was a kid, you know, I’ve always had something else inside of me.
It made stories where people just offed themselves without fighting so unrelatable.
I literally could not comprehend it.
There is this urge inside me.
Emotion is the trigger.
Anything slightly negative, and it rears its head, just so slightly, and it speaks alongside my own.
Oh, it’s not just anger, no. It’s a blend. A mix. A cocktail.
There’s anger, there’s hate, there’s lust, but above all, it’s dark.
The closest I came to it, the whole world went dark.
I could see just fine, my eyes were wide open, but there was a darkness to the world, as though it were being devoured, as though I were being devoured.
And alongside my own thoughts ran parallel another chain.
KILL. KILL. KILL!
Or so, it would say.
I could think alongside it, as though it were not me who were thinking but someone else, something else.
And literally, I thought to myself. Wait. Why am I thinking these things?
Yet simultaneously, as though I had grown two minds, the chain of KILL continued to run parallel my more rational chain.
I was fascinated.
Isn’t that so cool?
I figured that must’ve been what possession felt like.
But at the same time, I also knew, that that was dangerous.
So, I decided to live my life away from others.
You know that party meme were the guy stands in a corner to himself while everyone enjoys themselves?
That’s me.
No one knows it, but I’m actually doing the whole world a favor by keeping to myself.
But then, this bozo shows up.
Well, that’s fine too.
It’s not like I liked people in particular.
I just couldn’t be bothered.
The urge is a red button.
If I press it I die, but whoever is on the receiving end probably won’t have a good time either. Probably. I don’t know.
For the longest time I’ve wondered it, you know, now I have the opportunity.
Come brother, tell me. What would it be like to become one?
What would it be like to set ourselves free and welcome the dark?
The man flinched.
Hmm?
He’d taken a step back, the bead of sweat that had gathered on his head slid down to his cheeks, dripping off his chin. There was a movement along his throat.
He gulped?
Ah.
Then it dawned on me, without intending to, my whole face had twisted into a grin. A fucked up grin that covered my whole face. Lips pulled wide open, my cute pearly teeth sparkling – courtesy of Dr. Jumba. Even my eyes were smiling.
Hmm. Weird. Weird.
My bag dropped to the floor.
Whatever.
Are we doing this?
The man’s eyes darted, he looked around him. What for? You looking for affirmation?
Then with a gulp, his face turned ferocious, really it was a mask, a mask that screamed ‘don’t do this!’
Why do it then?
And then he took a step.
In that moment, I let go.
And the world became dark.
You know, whenever I entered this state, there was often a trembling, a rage, an anger.
And I realized early on what that was, it was a battle of wills.
The rational and the slaughter.
For it did not make sense to press the button.
Why kill yourself when there was no reason to?
But now, there was reason enough.
All paths of escape have been blocked off by the good samaritans.
A knife has been drawn.
I am going to die.
But, I am not going alone.
So, come. My good brother.
I licked my lips.
The darkness deepened.
Come.
There was a weight to my mind.
We will hurt each other.
Conflict? Are the others unhappy?
We will kill each other.
No matter.
And we will burn together.
I have spoken.
The knife was upon me.
I was untrained.
It stopped just short of me, trembling.
But, we will slaughter.
And we will slaughter well.
I pushed him down.
And at last, the knife entered me from the side.
The flesh tore, a heat entered, and electricity jolted, but the pain was numbed.
Slaughter was already awake.
Alas, this degree of resistance was just too pathetic.
A limp penetration; my girlfriend would fuck me harder.
Left hand balled into a fist, right keeping him steady, waist turning, my fist descended, and as his face deformed upon impact, nose caving in, eyes popping, I felt a limp noodle trying to stab at me from the side and failing, then my fist bottomed out, and the whole car shook.
Something shattered. It sounded like glass, then I realized, it was glass, the windows having shattered, but it was not just the glass.
The bones on my fist had shattered along with the radius and the ulna connected to my wrist.
I could see the bones beneath the flesh shattering as though disintegrating.
At the same time, there was a hard squish of a sound, as the man’s eyeballs shot out of his head, and his entire head squashed into organic sludge, blood and fluids spraying everywhere, while the leftover skin propped up like a sheet of paper, that stupid expression as though he had been forced stamped onto it.
Huh. One hit.
One hit to kill a man.
One hit to destroy my arm.
Oh, well.
A moment later, screams filled the car, some shrill, some heavy. There was the sound of someone puking. Multiple, really.
I clicked my tongue. Now, they scream.
As the train came to a halt, the doors opened, and the PA announced our stop, only to be drowned away by the sound of footsteps pouring out.
As I stood up, I felt a heat burn around my waist and along my back.
Looks like these were damaged too.
I didn’t have much time left.
I wanted to see what else I could do, so I stepped out.
“Freeze!” Big heavy guns pointed at me. “On the ground, now!”
There were three of them.
Conveniently, they all came from the left.
One porky, one tally, and one bodybuilder, I could hear radio in the backdrop.
My eyes narrowed.
Flicker.
Before I knew it I was in front of them.
Wow, Slaughter. You can teleport? That’s awesome.
I slapped the guns off tally and the bodybuilder with the forearm on my right. It cracked.
Porky fell on his own and pointed the gun at me, trembling.
Then he fired, but his hands trembled so much, he hit nothing but the ceiling.
I took the gun from him like he were handing it to me and pushed tally into the other guy. They fell.
In that moment, I saw myself as a monster. A giant monster made of shadows, one that easily towered all of these men that should’ve dwarfed me.
My maw hung wide open to reveal a set of white, massive jagged teeth with no gaps.
I looked down at them, and as though there were a camera taking shots, the sound of the shutter firing off in quick succession resounded as the expression on them burned into me.
Never before had I seen such fear. Eyes wide open, mouth slackened, whole body trembling, unable to move, heartbeat loud.
Further ahead were the good samaritans from earlier. They had fallen over onto themselves. They too stared at me as though watching their own life flash before their eyes.
None of them could move. They too were possessed.
I smiled and glanced back at the man I killed.
Well, my beef was with him, not with these bitches.
I put the gun in my throat, tilting it just slightly to aim straight to my brain.
For a moment, I considered continuing this life, but my body was too damaged. As the adrenaline or whatever it was that surged in me waned, I could feel the damage spreading.
So, as I looked down at Porky, through a mouthful, I said, “Lay off th’ donuts an’— mgh— exercise more, maybe?”
Then I pulled the trigger.
Bang!
Leave a Reply